I Never Promised You A Rose Garden

 Jay and Hilary were sitting on the couch, laughing at an episode of Impractical Jokers, when Hilary’s cell phone dinged.  Hilary looked at the text with a quizzical expression. “Umm, Jay, did you promise someone a rose garden?”  “ Why would I do that?”, Jay wondered.  “ I don’t know.  Look at this text I just got”.  Hilary hands her phone to Jay, who mumbles the text to himself aloud...Ray, I really need that rose garden you promised me.  Maybe this weekend? Hoping to have it before Mrs. Brown’s daughter gets here. Thanks.  Jay looked perplexed.  

“Well, number one, I’m not Ray, and number two...who sent you this text?”  “ I don’t know”, Hilary answers. “I don’t recognize the number and I thought maybe Ray was a typo.  Jay decides to reply to the text: Sorry, who is this? The texter responded immediately with Sherry. “Hilary, do you know a Sherry?”  “Just the kind you drink!” Hilary jokes. Jay decides to reply to Sherry:  Sherry baby! Can you come out tonight?  Hilary is mortified! “Jay! What are you doing!”  “ Just having a little fun!” Jay laughs. “I think you’ve been imbibing that sherry!” Hilary exclaims.  Come out where? Sherry texts back. Jay responds: To Lowe’s. You can hand pick the roses you want for the garden.  Sherry responds with, Ray, you know I can’t come out tonight! Mrs. Brown’s daughter is doing that zoom call about the benefits of floral and fauna for ones mental health and well being.  Remember?!! 

“Wow! Mrs. Brown’s daughter really has a thing for flowers, doesn’t she?!” Jay says.  “Well, I think Mrs. Brown has a lovely daughter!” Hilary says with a wink and a smile.  “Herman’s Hermits!” Jay laughs as he texts Sherry back. Sherry baby! Unfortunately this weekend is a no go for me. I have a hot date with a bag of Cheetos and a stellar Netflix lineup! Sherry seems to be getting a bit confused at this point.  Ray, why do you keep calling me Sherry Baby?  You never call me Sherry Baby.  Jay gleefully shows Hilary the latest text exchange.  "Look!  She's using the confused emoji!" "You better get yo self to church this weekend mister, because you being rotten to the core!" Hilary warns her friend.  Jay responds to Sherry: Sorry Baby!  Tell your Mama everything is gonna be all right.  

Baby?!  I am NOT your baby. And what has my momma got to do with this conversation?  Ray you are being insufferable tonight!  Is this even Ray?  This does not sound like Ray!  "Hilary, look! She's using the mad emoji's now...three of them!"  "Well, I think you better fess up before you ruin whatever friendship she has with Ray"  "Probably right", Jay agrees.  Sherry, it's confession time.  I'm not really Ray.  I was just messin' with you.  You must have punched in the wrong number or something.  Sherry texts back:  I knew something was off.  So, who is this, may I ask?

Jay gets a twinkle in his eye and shows Hilary what he texts back to Sherry: Lynn

"OH YOU ARE NOT GOING THERE!!!" Hilary shouts out in disbelief.  "Oh, I'm going there, baby!" Jay shoots back with a laugh.  Sherry's one smart cookie.  She texts back to Jay:  Let me guess.  You are Lynn Anderson and you never promised me a rose garden!  Twerp. 

Sherry for the win!  Now go find the real Ray and get that rose garden planted!

Well, before I go...who is this?  Really?  Jay responds, Well, I am not Ray, but I am Jay!

Well...Jay...you big fat liar...may I recommend you  put down the Cheetos long enough this weekend to get to church and make some amends with your maker! It's been interesting.

"Hey you two are in agreement!"  Jay tells Hilary.   Jay texts Sherry back: You are the second person today to tell me to get to church! You and Hilary would make fast friends!

Sherry responds: Gotta go.  Mrs. Brown's daughter is starting her zoom call.

I hear Mrs. Brown has a lovely daughter!  Jay texts back.   LOL Sherry responds.  

Incidentally, Jay texts, You actually got ahold of Hilary Duff's phone tonight.  No joking!  For real!

Sherry wasn't hearing it.   Yea right.  Jay...this weekend...go to church!

Gotcha!  And with that Jay signed off with a winky emoji.